I was doing my devotion a few days ago and it was all about purpose and waiting on God. It struck me deeply as I am searching for God’s purpose at this point of my life. I have been seeking God’s direction for me this year. If I can only decide on my own, I would have listed a bunch of things to do, or so I thought. Looking at myself, I can’t help but consider my physical limitations, and it made me sad.
I was in my twenties when I was diagnosed with polycystic kidney disease. It is a hereditary type of illness and I got mine from my mom. We lost her when I was 19 with the same diagnosis. It was a little bit of surprise when we learned that all my siblings also have the same diagnosis. PKD is a chronic kidney disease. The person’s kidney function slows down as it progresses in time. And so, it requires for us to have regular visits to the doctor. Prescriptions are countless in order to support kidney function and somewhat slow down the progress of the disease. But eventually it happened. It was in 2019 when my nephrologist told me that I needed to start dialysis. I was expecting it, but still my heart was broken.
I am a nurse by profession, a person of faith, and my family sees me as a pillar of strength. I cried in my prayers and I cling to God to give me courage and hope. There were so many things running through my mind . . . My family, my son, their future and all our dreams. As I start to see those dreams crashing in the horizon, God reminded me of Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” And also in Isaiah 41:10, He says, “Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.” Hope and strength flourished in my heart and bravely, I started on my dialysis.
Nobody knows the struggles I face each day. I am now on year two of peritoneal dialysis. No one knows how the drain pain felt, how uncomfortable at times to feel the catheter in your abdomen, or to allot 12 hours a day for dialysis. And yet I still work as a nurse for the other 12 hours. I am one of the thousands of CKD patients awaiting for transplant and praying fervently for live kidney donor. They said it could take 6 to 8 years to wait for transplant and I would take each chance to wait for my family.
And so on that day of my devotion, I asked the Lord what’s my purpose at this point of my life? It is to share the goodness and faithfulness of God. I cannot help but be amazed with God. He has healed me so many times and had escaped surgery twice. He has provided me with so much strength to continue to work professionally and in the ministry. I have an awesome family support and friends who are my prayer warriors. I have very bad days (oh especially those drain pains), and God lifts up my head, smiles at me and says, “We got this. It will be okay.” I never stopped praying and waiting for a miracle from my miracle-working God. I will wait patiently. It will come for my hope is in the Lord.
“For You are my hope, O Lord God; You are my trust from my youth.” Psalm 71:5
Love, Life, and Live 