“I take thee to be my lawfully wedded (husband/wife), to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.”
“You have declared your consent before the Church. May the Lord in his goodness strengthen your consent and fill you both with his blessings. What God has joined, men must not divide. Amen.”
It has been a favorite expression of some in the past weeks in our country that there is no such thing as forever. The #walangforever (meaning there’s no such thing as forever) went trending from a drama on television. I just managed to shake my head in disagreement while reflecting on how this line would affect today’s generation.
Some time ago, when the day of my wedding came, I honestly had cold feet. There were a lot of questions going through my mind even at the point of walking down the aisle of the justice hall. Is he really the right man for me? Will I be happy? What if it won’t work? Questions, so many questions but I took the most precarious decision in my life. In many ways that we can possibly think of, there is really no definite assurance of a consistent bliss in marriage. We were two unique individuals becoming one in the sight of God and man; and yet from day one, our differences seem to come afloat mostly than our oneness.
People say that the first year of being married is usually the sweetest and the hardest too. It is quite an ironic way of describing year one of our so-called happily ever after. For me, the first few years of marriage can either make or break the bond between the couple. I have heard couples come into endless and unsettled fights of who is right or wrong in every argument . . . or who should lead the family . . . or what to do with issues on in-laws and friends. Yes, it was an adjustment period and we usually believe that adjustment could mean my husband will adjust to my attitude or my wife will accept me as I am because my parents did just that. I guess adjustment period could mean laying down a foundation for establishing your own family. There is so much groundwork to do on the first, second, third, or even the first decade of being married. And at times couples give up when they are just half way towards building a very firm foundation. It is a mutual decision and an agreement between husband and wife. The foundation of a family could become shaky and meaningless if the husband goes towards the right and the wife moves towards the left. What happens is that by going towards opposite directions, they tend to drift away from each other and if there are children involved, they unknowingly tear them apart or leave them behind. The bible clearly says that husbands are the head of the family and wives must submit to their husband. I strongly agree with what the Word of God says; in addition to that, there is one more important ingredient and that is agreement. There is POWER in agreement between a husband and a wife. Yes, love is necessary in marriage. Respect is another essential matter. However, one thing is vital and indispensable . . . UNITY. Marriage is a union between two people. As Mark 10:8 says, “The two will become one . . .” In unity there is harmony, peace, humility, forgiveness, and solidarity. Love and unity contribute in the resilience of marriage or any relationship for that matter.
There is no such thing as a perfect marriage. Not in any patterns or criteria set by the world. The mere fact that there are two imperfect people joined in marriage already makes it imperfect. However, couples always forget the key in their marriage which can help them make it blissful and peaceful. They may have included him in the ceremony but forgot about him just as soon the doors of the church were closed. God himself is the key to a strong and successful marriage. You may believe it or not, but He is the ONLY answer to our questions, problems, and everything that concerns us. Most often we do not allow God to intervene in our marriage. He is almost always left behind in the situation. Have you forgotten that He is the third person in the marriage? He wasn’t just a witness; He was included in the union. Imagine a triangle, God is on the apex, husband and wife are positioned on either side at the base. The closer the husband and wife gets to God, the closer they are also with each other. But, the farther they are from God; they also drift away from one another. Now, here is the most important key to a successful married life . . . have a personal relationship with God. Anchor your life on Jesus and as you become saturated with His love, you will realize that it is only His love that truly satisfies. When you prioritize your relationship with God, He becomes your source of joy and completeness in life. He will fill the emptiness that you feel within and once complete in His love; you are able to love your husband/wife more unconditionally.
This is one thing that I have learned as I seek to dwell in the love of God. I cannot give what I do not have. I cannot give love if I have not received much love. However, only the love of God can totally fill my heart. Your husband/wife can betray your trust or can literally fall out of love for you. But God will never leave you nor forsake you. God can never unlove me. No one or nothing can ever separate me from His love. He has engraved me in the palm of his hands. He is faithful and just and loving even with my imperfections. So, if you are full of God’s love for you and your eyes are so focused, fixed only on Him, then the flaws of your husband/wife is nothing and dealing with it or trying to change him/her could only become meaningless. Only God can change your husband/wife, you definitely cannot.
One more thing that is helpful in a marriage is having people around the couple that supports and encourages them during difficult times. This help usually comes from elders who would remind them that separation or annulment is not the solution to the problem. It only makes the problem worse. Never give up. God has never given up on you; then why are you thinking about it? Jesus is the only way, nothing more, nothing less. I will never forget a story I’ve read about a year ago. It described the reflection of attitude a husband and wife has. Each of them looks at each other as that on a mirror. What one does, the other acts the same. My husband’s attitude towards me reflects my attitude towards him. If I am loving and caring towards him, he will do the same. Likewise, if I am a bitter instead of a better wife; then he will mirror the same attitude. Couples fight because they tend to look at the other side of the mirror. They fail to see the person in front of the mirror. We clearly see the failings of our partner but we are blind of our own defects.
In our small group, we always hear; choose your battles. Most often couples’ clash originated from some simple things. Yes, they were simple; but the hurts, bitterness, harsh words, grudges, unforgiveness have deeply wounded our innermost being. Forgive your husband/wife and forgive yourself. Choose to forgive and stop dwelling on matters that steal your joy and happiness. There are so many things in life that needs to be done than dealing on petty matters that can be solved when we put our pride down. Having a pride as high as Mt. Everest is foolish. . . it’s just pointless like our petty quarrels.
Marriage is not an easy task. It is not a trial and error method either. It may be a give and take kind of relationship to others. But still the bible says otherwise, it is more blessed to give than to receive. Husband and wife must work on the success of their marriage. It is a joint effort and it’s a legacy that you can give your children. You are your children’s role model as parents. Do not let your selfish desires break them off their joy of having a happy family. You both decided to get married; then decide to hold on and fight for it, and you will reap the rewards or fruits of your labor afterward. Allow God to intervene. He wants to save your marriage. Why won’t you? John 10:10 says, “The devil comes only to steal, to kill, and to destroy.” Do not allow the devil to destroy something you once dreamt of having. Reminisce the past; travel together down memory lane. Think and feel that moment once more when you fell in love with each other. It is never too late to start all over again. Love is sweeter and at its best with God in it. Let this be your relationship goal.
Finally, pray together and for each other. Nothing is impossible with God. Pray until something happens. Prayer can move mountains. If you think your situation is impossible; it isn’t. God can do exceedingly, abundantly more than you can ever ask for. Ask and believe that God is able to fix your marriage and you shall receive. Rest in His love for you and in Him is your only hope.
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails” 1 Corinthians 13:4-8
Love, Life, and Live 